«The ugly duckling»

(English text after Norwegian)

Jeg har alltid følt meg som «Den stygge andungen», det er et eventyr av H. C. Andersen, en dansk poet og forfatter.

Kort fortalt handler eventyret om en svaneunge som blir født i redet til en andemor. Han føler ser han er annerledes enn andungene og han blir behandlet dårlig. Han blir bitt dyttet, gjort narr av, sparket og slått. Han passer ikke inn og endene vil ikke ha noe med han å gjøre. Han ser plutselig andre svaner, men han tror han skal dø når han treffer på dem og bøyer sitt hode ned i vannet. Han oppdager sitt eget speilbilde og ser han er lik de andre. Han strekker sin lange vakre hals med sitt søte hode og vifter med sine vakre vinger som har fjær av den hviteste farge. Stolt og vakker har han endelig kommet hjem.

The ugly duckling mental health Norwegian blogger mylife in Norway Orkidedatterart Orchid daughter art

Jeg husker godt første gang som liten jente jeg ble lest for av dette eventyret. Hjertet mitt gråt fordi svanen hadde det vondt. Vondt som jeg kunne kjenne meg igjen i.

Å bli mobbet, sparket og slått…

Jeg har aldri skjønt hvorfor jeg ble utsatt for dette. Skoleveien og skolegården var aldri et trygt og godt sted å være.

Alle ord som ble ropt ut av de andre barnas munner. Ord som har brent seg fast i mitt sinn og hjerte.

Smerter fra slag, spark, stein eller snøballer som ble kastet på meg.

Smerter fra hender som holdt meg nede når jeg ikke ville gjøre det jeg ble bedt om.

Jeg ville ikke være med på å gjøre andre vondt.

Jeg ville ikke være tøff og drikke møkkete regnvann eller spise jord.

Hadde jeg noe valg da jeg ble holdt fast?

Sterke hender som åpnet munnen min og jeg hørte det knaset fra kjeven, der jord og møkk ble dyttet inn i min munn.

Om jeg kjempet? Nei, bare inne i meg selv. Jeg trodde det var lurt å ikke kjempe i mot, men mobberne ble nok bare sterkere av det.

Ansikt og øyne til de som angrep og mobbet glemmer jeg aldri. Jeg vet hvem de er… jeg møter fortsatt noen av de i ulike sammenhenger her jeg bor. Jeg husker, men gjør dem? Jeg vet ikke…

Det er tøft for meg å rippe opp i dette, men jeg må gjøre det for å bli bedre og komme meg videre i livet. Plutselig for en tid tilbake ble jeg innhentet av disse gamle minnene. Jeg måtte ha hjelp til å bearbeide de. Jeg har ennå ulike utfordringer med flashback om lukter, hvordan jeg blir tatt på, kvelt, holdt fast og flere ting.

Jeg har ennå ikke skjønt hvorfor meg?

Jeg var det svakeste ledd, men samtidig har jeg tenkt mye på at jeg sa nei til noe jeg ikke ville bli med på.

Jeg var annerledes, og passet ikke inn hos de andre. Jeg er fortsatt annerledes….

Jeg bare visste at jeg aldri skulle bli som dem…

Jeg er voksen nå, merket for livet på flere måter og har ennå ikke fått følelsen av å strekke «halsen» min og være stolt av hvordan jeg ser ut eller hvem jeg er, som svanen i eventyret.

Jeg har dårlig selvtillit, selvfølelse, sliter med tankekjør og følelser om mitt utseende, hvordan jeg er, hvem jeg har blitt, hva jeg gjør, og lista er lengre enn lang om negative ting om meg selv.

Jeg har alltid vært jenta som smiler tappert fordi det har jeg alltid tenkt jeg kommer lengst med i livet.

Jeg smiler fortsatt tappert og har ikke mistet troa.

Troa på at jeg en dag skal få følelsen av å strekke mine armer i været, være stolt av meg selv og hvem jeg er.

En dag…

-Orkidedatter-

//

«The ugly duckling»

I have always felt like «The Ugly Duckling», ( I maybe think it is the «Swan King» in English..) it is an adventure by H. C. Andersen, a Danish poet and author.

In short story the fairy tale is about a swan kid who is born in the nest of a duck mother. He feels he is different from the ducks and he is treated badly. He is bitten pushed, made fun of, kicked and beaten. He doesn’t fit in and the ends won’t have anything to do with him. He suddenly sees other swans, but he thinks he’ll die when he meets them and bends his head down into the water. He discovers his own reflection and sees him as similar to the others. He stretches his long beautiful neck with his cute head and fans with his beautiful wings that have feathers of the whitest color. Proud and beautiful, he has finally come home.

Rise like a swan mental health copying with life Norwegian blogger Norwegian blood fairytale my life in Norway the ugly duckling

I remember well the first time I as a little girl was read for by this adventure. My heart was crying because the swan is hurt and in pain.

Pain as I could recognize myself in. Being bullied, kicked and beaten …

I never knew why I was exposed to this. The school road and the schoolyard were never a safe and good place to be. All words that were called out by the other children’s mouths. Words that have beeing burned in my mind and heart.

Pains from strokes, kicks, rocks or snowballs that were thrown at me.

Pain from hands that held me down when I wouldn’t do what I was asked for. I didn’t want to hurt others.

I would not be tough and to drink dirty rainwater or eat soil.

Did I have a choice when I was stuck?

Strong hands that opened my mouth and I heard it cracked from the jaw, where soil and dung were pushed into my mouth.

Did I fight back? No, just inside myself. I thought it was wise not to fight against, but the bullies probably just got stronger.

I never forget the face and eyes of those who attacked and bullied me.

I know who they are … I still meet some of them in different contexts here I live.

I remember, but do them? I don’t know …

It’s tough for me to rip this up, but I have to do it to get better and get on in life.

Suddenly for a while I was picked up by these old memories. I had to have some help in processing them. I still have different challenges with flashback about smells, how I am caught, curt, held fast and more things.

I haven’t yet figured out why me? I was the weakest link, but at the same time I thought a lot about saying no to something I would not join.

I was different and didn’t fit in with the others. I’m still different …

I am an adult now, marked for life in several ways and have not yet had the feeling of stretching my «throat» and being proud of how I look or who I am, like the swan in the adventure.

I have poor self-esteem, struggle with thoughts and feelings about my appearance, how I am, who I have become, what I do, and list is longer than long about negative things about myself.

I have always been the girl who smiles bravely because I always think I’m coming the longest in life with doing that.

I still smile bravely and I have not lost faith.

Believe that someday I will get the feeling of stretching my arms in the weather, be proud of myself and who I am.

One day …

– Orkidedatter-

41 kommentarer om “«The ugly duckling»

    1. Thank you for writing beautiful words that touch my soul, and yes, it is much better and it will be even better. To write is healing to me, in my process, and can I reach someone out there who may have the same experience, to know they are not alone, that is a good feeling too.
      I am very grateful that you take your time to visit my blog and coment. It means a lot to me🦋
      I wish you a beatyful day filled with happiness🦋

      Likt av 1 person

    1. Thank you so much❤️ your words mean a lot to me🦋
      I’m so grateful that I’ve become who I am even it’s a tough time right now. I am much better, and I work every day to make it great and be better❤️
      Thank you for your time and coment on my blog, it means more than you know to me.
      🦋

      Likt av 2 personer

    1. Thank you so much❤️ you are so beatyful, and your words touching my soul🦋
      Against all odds I am grateful for who I am today and it will be even better.
      Faith is a word I love.
      Keep smiling🦋
      Thank you for your time to visit my blog, it means a lot to me🦋

      Liker

  1. I am really sad to hear that, but happier that you have grown now. Don’t you let the past ruin your present and future. You are a beautiful person. We all love you a lot. Have faith and smile as you do. You are very brave.
    Keep smiling always. 🙂

    Likt av 2 personer

    1. I am so lucky to be part of you and you here in this great world, where there is so much love, joy and care. My soul has come home.
      It’s tough now, but I’m going to be strong and not let this devastate for me, so I work every day to get better.
      I am so grateful for your words, they means more to me than you ever know❤️
      I keep smiling, and I have faith🦋
      Hug🌸

      Liker

      1. I am lucky to be able to hear your struggles and brave fights. You are an inspiration for so many people out there. There’s so much love in this world that goes unacknowledged.. always be happy dear! ❤️❤️

        Likt av 1 person

    1. Jeg sender en god klem tilbake❤️og der blir bedre og det skal bli bra.Det er hard jobbing, men glad jeg gjør det nå og ikke noe mer utsettelse, dytte forran seg som jeg var mester på, men ta tak nå…
      Jeg drømmer akkurat om «den fingeren» en dag, men jeg er nok for snill og ønsker ingen vondt og jeg mestrer nok aldri å få sveivet opp fingeren, for å si det sånn.
      Herlige deg, tusen takk🦋❤️

      Liker

  2. Som jeg elsket det eventyret som liten. Ja også nå som voksen. En trist fortelling. Som ble så fin til slutt 💕 Så trist å høre hva du har vert igjennom. Besteste klemmen til deg. Å gå igjennom sånt i oppveksten er ikke noe som er godt. Det vet jeg så alt for godt. Har vert i den samme situasjonen selv.

    Likt av 1 person

    1. Tusen takk for varmende ord, jeg setter virkelig pris på det❤️ og jeg tror du vet hvordan å sette deg inn i situasjonen siden du har vært der selv. Det gjør meg trist å lese, fordi jeg unner ingen den erfaringen.
      Du er så herlig og fantastisk, tusen takk for at du er du❤️
      Klem🦋

      Liker

  3. You can see that your story has touched many bloggers by all the support and kind comments. Remember the problem was that of the bullies, not you! You obviously have some special talent and are very special because the bullies saw it and they were jealous of you. I know because we have been there too! Le grà, Marie Xx

    Likt av 1 person

    1. It was a lovely comment to wake up to this Friday morning. I am both humble and touched. Thank you so much, your words mean more than you know. Or, I think you may know, because you also have this experience of bullying. It is sad to read. I am overwhelmed by so much love and kindness out there in the world.
      I have never thought that they have been jealous, but as an adult I might understand it.
      Thank you again, you touch my heart and soul.
      ❤️🦋

      Likt av 1 person

      1. I am glad that as an adult you might understand why they were jealous. They probably had issues in their own lives, had low self-esteem and were afraid they would be a target for bullying so they took on a role of false superiority, to become a bully instead. They needed support and unconditional love to help them see, understand and change their behaviour but that DOES NOT excuse them for how they treated you. I asked my son, how he put it behind him and just as he hasn’t told us much of the bullying he experienced, likewise his simple answer was «acceptance». I asked my daughter and she said she believes in «karma». I use both plus gratitude daily. I try to appreciate all the good in my life. I hope you can choose that too! I believe you have a special presence in this world for a reason, use it. I am contactable anytime by email. And thank you, I didn’t know but I’m beginning to realise now and I thank you for that! Le grà, Marie xx ps..do you mind I ask, how do I say your blog name is it orki dedatter, or orkide datter? And what does it mean in English?

        Likt av 1 person

      2. Thank you very much for a lovely feedback. So I agree with your children, watch them. I know now as an adult at it’s as you say, they had low self-esteem and was afraid, and I can mention several reasons. During my education, I have also gained more understanding, so I am passionate about children and young people and growing up conditions and their lives, in kindergarten and school … But it has been a job I have given everything in, worked with heart, and now I had to stop, have taken a year off, to help my self and think about what else I can be working with.. I have a few dreams🦋
        I appreciate your availability❤️
        Maybe I have a special presence in this life, I must find it. Ofcourse you have too. I can feel it. I really hope you find it, you are a beatyful soul with your heart of gold in the right place❤️
        Okei, my blogname… in English is Orchidedaughter or Orchiddaugter- I think…
        It means like the flower, I think it is very beatyful, it blooms occasionally and lies in dormant sometimes.. It is fragile and not always easy to get bloom, and it is strong too… and it is so many of them and the flower is colorful.
        I can recoginize myself a little bit in this flower.
        I have a blogpost about that, I will post that soon…
        In the worldpress world I have become a butterfly, because I often compate myself as a butterfly with broken wings that will learn to fly again and color my wings… The butterfly means a lot to me and it is a sign of spirituality🦋
        I don’t know if you got any wiser, but it is not that easy to explain. I understand well that I’m called the butterfly out there in the world, it is probably easier to understand🦋
        Thank you again, and I gonna post on my blog now there you can see a little bit of me in the picture… it is scary…
        A big hug from me❤️🦋

        Likt av 1 person

      3. Orchid daughter is a beautiful and apt name. Thank you for explaining. I am glad you have given so much of yourself to your chosen career and even happier to learn that you had strength to say no and take a step back to give yourself the care you need! You have explained your story perfectly and I fully understand. Your English is excellent. I look forward to coming to know you even more as we journey along. Be well & happy Orchid daughter. Xx

        Likt av 1 person

      4. It pleases my heart, and I’m glad you understand, thank you very much.
        I looking forward to that too, let’s make an experience of the rare, but with great sense❤️ and spreading love and goodness into the world🦋
        Faith🦋

        Likt av 1 person

  4. That is such an amazing post, writing about something so personal! Please don’t dwell on the past, look to today and tomorrow. Your beauty shines through your writing and you will get stronger and stronger! I hope you will have an enjoyable and wonderful day!
    Steve.

    Likt av 1 person

    1. It was a fantastic feedback to wake up to this Friday morning. I am both humble and touched. I don’t know how to get thankful enough, but your words warm my heart and I’m so grateful. I work with myself every day and get better and it will be good. Writing is very healing to me …
      I’m gonna make me a great
      day today,. You made it good for me already🦋
      I hope you will filled your day with love and happiness🦋

      Liker

  5. I believe its difficult to forget, but i cant imagine kids or teenagers doing this to you, i’m shocked, how can even happened, i dont remember things like this in my school, never saw anyone doing this to others, but why i wasnt there to give you hand, i really would and we could go true together🌸❤️You are so beautiful soul🌼☀️

    Likt av 1 person

  6. Well the guys were always attacking our girl group with snow balls at the ski station, but just for fun, but i dont know how people can be so mean, without any feelings, hurt not just by words, buy physically and no one step in front and said:stop whats enough now.. i always hat when people goes by ship, not by their own thoughts🧘‍♀️❤️🙏🌼🌈💫🌸hugs!!!

    Likt av 1 person

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