-That girl-

That girl show her burned and

massacred wounds

she yearn for souls with depths

deeper than world ocean`s 

blue and dark souls who have

seen the furies in perdition 

that girl rip off chains of this

mental cage however beaten

always a soul of the miserable

intertwined with the lost ones

a desire to fight 

heartbeating

soul singing

spirit rising

phoenix within catches her legacy

finally find home

solicitations to be your gravyard

please, bury her skeleton with conscience

after your demons have eaten her soul out

and you raise that girl spirit

to yours dark heart

of a dead soul in a permanent pain.

-Orkidedatter-

Unwritten destiny.

Inferno in her heart

her sacred black rose

of darkness are being colder

inhaling the scent of her essence

under the moon of shaken sadness

she is dancing with her archangel

our bodies getting drunched in

Angels tears from heaven

make her scream your name

in vain across your black eyes

penetrate her soul

her pain are the echoes of dust

you can hear rattle within

with a wolf heart she has been

thrown out to the pack

fighting for life unwritten destiny

in her chapter of love

the unspoken voice in the soulless

wind changing her shadow

her spirit of the darkened path

perhaps she will return leading

the pack…

Orkidedatter

Cage of defeat

She is chained with barbed wire

in a cage and it will be the

death of her

in an endless emptiness

is an old friend

the sweet grief

she is a mess and her misery

have no end

she is not bulletproof

bending like a broken rose

with thorns stretching up the

sky full of stars

she climbs up to experience endless

heavenly view

a magical mystery ride on her

favorite star

when the world is beating her down

in the cage of defeat.

-Orkidedatter-

Wrecked soul

she feels like a ghost inside

yet sparkling eyes shining

as the rays of the midnight sun

that descend behind the mountain

she cries drops of glass that are crushed in

the ocean somewhere

where the waves roll up towards the beach

she looks at the horizon where clouds turn

into stars

an indescribable longing for an

indescribable memory for

an indescribable heartbeat

like a black rose that will never unfold

their rose petals

as a swan she bends her head in relentless

heartache

You don’t dare to touch her wrecked soul.

🦋

-Orkidedatter-

The girl in the broken mirror.

She looks in the mirror.

She is lost, cold and sad.

She has stepped footsteps in the snow, they

have disappeared.

Melted away with the sun.

Will never return.

It has taken a long time to open up old

wounds.

Scar as she must learn to live with.

She crushes the mirror, the blood flows

from her hand.

It hurts, but not as bad as her pain within.

She will be whole again and.

She is scared, alone and miserable.

She’s a mess.

She picks pieces ofherself up bit for bit

again after being crushed.

Thinking back on her past.

A child, a little girl, one childhood.

She was good at being a nice girl.

She was good at making herself invisible.

She was good at different survival

strategies.

She was good at protecting herself.

She was good at many things that children

should never be good at.

The flashbacks stand in line in her mind as

a horror movie you will never watch.

She try to take care of her mind and heart.

It hurts so much.

It never goes away.

A  twisted mind that made her so

exhausted.

She lost her grip.

Her childhood lay over her like a black

blanket.

She didn’t want to live.

She didn’t want to die.

Because she knows that death gives no

return ticket to life.

She wants to disappear a little and come

back when everything was fine.

She has a mental pain that is always

associated with thoughts and feelings.

A heart full of grief because it is shattered

over the years

and evokes anxiety that is looking after

escape places

in nooks inside her body where she can’t

grasp it and

the anxiety can sprout and grow in line

with dark thoughts.

She often feels trapped.

As in a spider web spinning around her

body and squeezing,

and she can`t  breathe.

She stopped living.

She did not give herself her own freedom.

She lives in the shadow of herself.

She deceives herself and says it will be

good again.

It won’t be good again until she grabs

herself.

There is no one who can walk this heavy

road for her.

Only she can.

No shortcut.

It hurts to acknowledge that she needs

help.

She has several things in life to live for,

they deserve her healthy and the best

version of her.

When she was at her darkest spot in the

abyss where she had to make

a choice,  to heal herself and be

whole again she started

writing, painting and drawing.

She started blogging to reach out to others

with the same pain.

If she could just reach another person with

her voice and tell

them that you are not alone.

It warmed her heart.

She felt a spark within again.

Then she sought help, and it is not a shame

to apply for this.

After hours and hours she was talking out

about her many of hers trauma,

her soul began to flourish again.

She again found  the artist soul in her.

Starting with blank sheets is not easy.

She had to close a chapter in her book

about her life

that was challenging to accomplish.

There are no more chapters in the past,

it is over now.

Only then, the joy in her heart began to

grow.

She accepts the painful reality she

experienced in

all her childhood over years.

She fades the painful, sad and hurting

memories and

fills up with good memories and new colors

in her life.

What she still practices a lot is how to not

bully herself,

because she became a expert on that and

talk herself down, because over years she

was never good enough.

The process is tough,  but she doesn’t want

to see

the shadows of the past again.

She has started gluing pieces together.

Pieces of her broken heart.

Pieces of a soul in grief.

Many and big scars with a life lesson she

shouldn’t have had,

but eventually no open wounds.

There will always be cracks in what is

crushed and

glued together, she cannot hide it.

She tries to paint over with her paintbrush

so it should not

be visible on the outside.

She interprets herself as a fragile butterfly,

because they mean something special to

her.

Step by step, as a butterfly grows and

changes,

she hopes to find her true colors in life.

A new meaning.

She is fragile and vulnerable, but has

become braver and wants to fly.

She has been happy again and soon, only

soon can she be on the right path in life.

She has started to color her white wings

and started flying a little.

It is only her mind that can grab itself from

the abyss with some help and be good

again.

Never gives up.

A dandelion child.

Time does not heal all wounds, but she can

learn to live with the scars.

There is a glimpse of hope in the broken

mirror.

-Orkidedatter-

Without me

(English text after Norwegian text).

Poem uten meg without you dikt Norwegian blogger Norwegian poetry prosaist

Uten meg.

Det var dager og jeg elsket livet.

Plutselig ble alt snudd opp ned.

Jeg ble redd.

Jeg tenkte det verste, og jeg

Klarer ikke å stoppe det.

Det er fra fortiden som legger sitt teppe

over meg og jeg kveles.

Jeg kan ikke puste, men jeg vet

Jeg elsker deg.

Uten meg, jeg tror du må gå

videre uten meg.

Jeg fortjener deg ikke.

Du fortjener så meget bedre enn meg.

Jeg kan ikke stoppe dette nå.

Jeg har åpnet mitt hjerte for deg, og det

gjør vondt.

Jeg elsker deg.

Du elsker meg.

Vi elsker hverandre.

Jeg trodde aldri på kjærligheten.

Kanskje mitt indre allerede prøvde å

fortelle meg noe da.

Du er perfekt selv om tiden går.

Du får meg alltid til å smile, men nå

er tårene lettere å fange

Jeg smiler tappert, men jeg må

Klare dette uten deg.

Du får meg til å føle meg god, men

du må gå videre nå.

Du fortjener så meget bedre enn meg.

Jeg fortjener deg ikke.

Jeg vil ikke stå i veien for din lykke.

Jeg klarer ikke å gjøre deg hel og god lenger.

Jeg er redd og det gjør vondt.

En smerte jeg ikke ønsker å føle på, men jeg må.

Jeg kan ikke la deg bli med videre, du

forstår det ikke selv.

Du må ta vare på deg.

Jeg vet ikke min fremtid.

Jeg vet bare min fortid nå.

Uten meg, jeg tror du må gå

videre uten meg.

Jeg fortjener deg ikke.

Du fortjener så meget bedre enn meg.

Jeg kan ikke stoppe dette nå.

Kan jeg fange deg om du faller?

Jeg kan ikke det, jeg er ødelagt.

Du må finne en ny trygg havn nå.

Jeg må dra videre herfra, men

jeg vet ikke hvor.

Det er ikke sikkert det er veien å gå

som er den lyseste og der solen skinner.

Kanskje jeg må inn i et mørke som jeg ikke

Kjenner.

Jeg er redd. Jeg har mistet grepet.

Jeg elsker deg så det gjør vondt.

Jeg kan ikke ta deg med lenger inn i mitt indre,

Du må redde deg selv.

Jeg vet ikke om jeg kommer tilbake.

Det må tiden vise.

Jeg vet jeg ikke kan forlange at du venter på meg.

Jeg ber deg gå, jeg går. Her skilles

våre veier.

Kanskje prøvde mitt indre å fortelle meg noe.

Mitt hjerte og sjel.

Jeg valgte ikke å høre, men det har vært helt

fantastisk.

Nå må jeg finne igjen magien og mitt liv.

Jeg kan ikke la deg bli med inn der.

Du fortjener bedre enn meg.

Jeg er redd. Jeg er ikke modig.

Jeg elsker deg.

-Orkidedatter-

//

Without me

It was days and I loved life.

Suddenly everything was turned upside down.

I got scared.

I thought the worst, and I

Can’t stop it.

It is from the past that puts their blanket

over me and I choke.

I can’t breathe, but I know

I love you.

Without me, I think you have to go

further without me.

I don’t deserve you.

You deserve so much better than me.

I can’t stop this now.

I have opened my heart for you and that

hurts.

I love you.

You love Me.

We love each other.

I never believed in love.

Maybe my inner soul was already trying to

Tell me something then.

You are perfect even time goes by.

You always make me smile, but now

tears are easier to catch.

 I smile bravely, butI have to

Do this without you.

You make me feel good, though

You have to move on now.

You deserve so much better than me.

I don’t deserve you.

I will not stand in the way of your happiness.

I can’t make you whole and good anymore.

I’m scared and it hurts.

A pain I don’t want to feel but I have to.

I can’t let you follow me, you

Don’t understand it yourself.

You have to take care of you.

I don’t know my future.

I just know my past now.

Without me, I think you have to go

further without me.

I don’t deserve you.                                                                                                     

You deserve so much better than me.

I can’t stop this now.

Can I catch you if you fall?

I can’t do, I am broken.

You have to find a new safe port now.

I have to move on from here, though

I don’t know where.

It may not be the way to go

which is the brightest and where the sun shines.

Maybe I have to go into a darkness

 that I don’t Know,again.

I’m afraid. I lost my grip.

I love you so it hurts.

I can’t take you further into my inner soul

And heart.

You have to save yourself.

I don’t know if I’m going back.

Time will show..

I know I can’t demand that you wait for me.

I ask you to go, I go.  Our roads

separate here.

Maybe my heart tried to tell me something.

I chose not to listen, but it has been completely

fantastic.

Now I have to find the magic in my life again.

I can’t let you join in there.

You deserve better than me.

I’m afraid. I’m not brave.

I love you.

-Orkidedatter-

A brush stroke

(English text after Norwegian text…)

En bit av meg mental health psykisk helse bli frisk igjen Norwegian art Norwegian blogger blogger livsmestring male maling colour Norwegian blogger et penselstrøk orkidedatterart

Et penselstrøk

For hver gang hun tar penselen opp og ser på fargene som ligger foran henne, vil hennes hjerte synge en glad sang.

Når hun bestemmer seg for hvilken farge hun skal ha på sitt penselstrøk vil hennes sjel juble.

I det hun lar pensel og maling bli ett, skriker hennes følelser av smerte, og det ene penselstrøket minner henne på hva som var.

Hun kan ha lyse og glade farger, men allikevel kastes det en skygge over dem.

Hun kan velge triste og mørke farger og allikevel kastes en skygge over dem så de blir enda mørkere.

Hun kan bruke penselen fort med bestemte strøk. Eller bruke penselen forsiktig med lette bevegelser.

For hvert penselstrøk er det en følelse.

Jo mer hun maler, jo mer kommer «hun» frem i fargenes spill. Hennes innerste speiler seg i hva som males foran henne.

Hun trekker pusten skjelvende og holder opp det hun maler foran seg. I et lite øyeblikk, et glimt av spøkelsene og et lite glimt av smerte, kan hun se noe forandrer seg.

Hun henger opp det hun har malt opp på veggen. Tar noen steg tilbake og med beundring i blikket hun ser skyggene blir mindre og fargene kommer klarere frem.

Kan hun mestre å gi slipp.

Kan hun farge over det som var med nye farger.

Kan mørke bli lyst igjen.

Hvilke farger vil hun male på sine skjøre vinger som skal lære seg å fly?

Hun tørker bort noen tårer, tårer som faller fra dypet i hennes hjerte og som hun dekker sin sjel med…

-Orkidedatter-

//

A brush stroke

For every time she picks up the brush and looks at the colors in front of her, her heart will sing a happy song.

When she decides what color she should wear on her coat, her soul will rejoice.

As she lets brush and paint become one, her feelings of pain scream, and one brush stroke reminds her of what was.

She can have bright and happy colors, but still a shadow is thrown over them.

She can choose sad and dark colors and yet a shadow is thrown over them so they become even darker.

She can use the brush quickly with specific coats. Or use the brush gently with light movements.

For each brush stroke there is a feeling.

The more she paints, the more «she» appears in the games of color. Her innermost is reflected in what is painted in front of her.

She shakes her breath trembling and holds up what she paints in front of her. In a moment, a glimpse of the ghosts and a little glimpse of pain, she can see something changing.

She hangs up what she has painted on the wall. Take a few steps back and with admiration in the eye she sees the shadows getting smaller and the colors became clearer.

Can she master to let go…

Can she color over what was with new colors…

Can darkness brighten again…

What colors will she paint on her fragile wings that will learn to fly?

She wipes away some tears, tears falling from the depths of her heart and covering her soul with …

-Orkidedatter-

Strength:

(Only in English language)

Poem poemauthor prosaistforfatter norwegian blogger strength childhood mental health

My strength didn’t come

from lifting weights.

My strength came from

lifting my self up every time

I was knocked down…

Everytime I was knocked down

I take my fragile wings and flutter with

them so that I am lifted up and every

time I get a little stronger and colorful.

I, a fragile butterfly with a color spell

like a flower of the Orchid familiy

can fight to be a strong

tiger within myself …

…still I rise…

-Orkidedatter-

Running with the wolves🐺

(English text after the Norwegian text)

Poem dikt running with wolves mental health løper med ulvene cop with life livsmestring

Løper med ulvene

I en pakt for lenge siden hun skrev i blod.

Der hennes liv er skrevet ned i evigheten.

Om hun dør kommer hun igjen og skal lede hele flokken.

Hennes øyne ser mot skogen.

Månen står opp og skinner over henne.

Det er tid nå.

Hun løper.

Hun tar sjansen.

Hun løper med ulvene.

Hun kan se og lytte.

Føler.

Himmelen står i brann.

Den er helt åpen.

Frihet.

Ingen ting kan såre henne nå.

Skadet, men arrene gror.

Hun flyr som en dansende alv.

Blant ulvene er hun trygg.

De passer på henne.

De jakter.

Dreper.

Spiser.

Sover.

På flukt.

Hun løper med ulvene i natt.

De har sett den mørke siden bak månen.

Hennes tanker gir henne frykt.

Hun har blod på sine lepper.

Hun har kommet hjem.

Sterkere nå.

Hjerterytme.

Puster og hennes sinn leges.

Slutt på å gjemme seg.

Hun er alt nå.

Hennes ånd danser i flammehavet.

Hennes skygge danser i måneskinnet og lyser i mørket.

Ulveflokken stopper.

De kommer nærmere.

Ser på henne med lysende blå øyne.

Slikker hennes munn.

Sammen med ulvenes sjeler blir hun ett.

Hun blir veiledet nå.

Tro.

-Orkidedatter-

//

Running with the wolves🐺

In a covenant long ago she wrote in blood.

Where her life is written down into eternity.

If she die she will come again and lead the whole pact.

Her eyes look towards the forest.

The moon rises and shines over her.

She has one chanse.

It’s time now.

She run.

She run with the wolves.

She can see and listen.

Feel.

The sky is on fire.

It is completely open.

Freedom.

Nothing can hurt her now.

Hurt, but the scars grow.

She flies like a dancing elf.

Among the wolves she is safe.

They look after her.

They are hunting.

Kills.

Eats.

Sleeps.

On the run.

She runs with the wolves tonight.

They have seen the dark side behind the moon.

Her thoughts give her fear.

She has blood on her lips.

She’s feels like home.

Stronger now.

Heartbeat.

Breathe and her mind heal.

Stop hiding.

She’s all now.

Her spirit dances in the flame of sea.

Her shadow dances in the moonlight and shines in the dark.

The wolf’s stops running.

They come closer.

Looks at her with shining blue eyes.

Licking her mouth.

Together with the souls of the wolves she becomes one.

She is being guided now.

Faith.

-Orkidedatter-

Tears…

Poem tears Norwegian blogger Norway

The most painful tears

are not the once that fall

from your eyes and cover

your face.

They’re the once that

fall from your heart

and cover your soul.

-quote unknown.

…but makes perfect sense in my heart🦋

-Orkidedatter-