She looks in the mirror.

She is lost, cold and sad.

She has stepped footsteps in the snow, they

have disappeared.

Melted away with the sun.

Will never return.

It has taken a long time to open up old

wounds.

Scar as she must learn to live with.

She crushes the mirror, the blood flows

from her hand.

It hurts, but not as bad as her pain within.

She will be whole again and.

She is scared, alone and miserable.

She’s a mess.

She picks pieces ofherself up bit for bit

again after being crushed.

Thinking back on her past.

A child, a little girl, one childhood.

She was good at being a nice girl.

She was good at making herself invisible.

She was good at different survival

strategies.

She was good at protecting herself.

She was good at many things that children

should never be good at.

The flashbacks stand in line in her mind as

a horror movie you will never watch.

She try to take care of her mind and heart.

It hurts so much.

It never goes away.

A  twisted mind that made her so

exhausted.

She lost her grip.

Her childhood lay over her like a black

blanket.

She didn’t want to live.

She didn’t want to die.

Because she knows that death gives no

return ticket to life.

She wants to disappear a little and come

back when everything was fine.

She has a mental pain that is always

associated with thoughts and feelings.

A heart full of grief because it is shattered

over the years

and evokes anxiety that is looking after

escape places

in nooks inside her body where she can’t

grasp it and

the anxiety can sprout and grow in line

with dark thoughts.

She often feels trapped.

As in a spider web spinning around her

body and squeezing,

and she can`t  breathe.

She stopped living.

She did not give herself her own freedom.

She lives in the shadow of herself.

She deceives herself and says it will be

good again.

It won’t be good again until she grabs

herself.

There is no one who can walk this heavy

road for her.

Only she can.

No shortcut.

It hurts to acknowledge that she needs

help.

She has several things in life to live for,

they deserve her healthy and the best

version of her.

When she was at her darkest spot in the

abyss where she had to make

a choice,  to heal herself and be

whole again she started

writing, painting and drawing.

She started blogging to reach out to others

with the same pain.

If she could just reach another person with

her voice and tell

them that you are not alone.

It warmed her heart.

She felt a spark within again.

Then she sought help, and it is not a shame

to apply for this.

After hours and hours she was talking out

about her many of hers trauma,

her soul began to flourish again.

She again found  the artist soul in her.

Starting with blank sheets is not easy.

She had to close a chapter in her book

about her life

that was challenging to accomplish.

There are no more chapters in the past,

it is over now.

Only then, the joy in her heart began to

grow.

She accepts the painful reality she

experienced in

all her childhood over years.

She fades the painful, sad and hurting

memories and

fills up with good memories and new colors

in her life.

What she still practices a lot is how to not

bully herself,

because she became a expert on that and

talk herself down, because over years she

was never good enough.

The process is tough,  but she doesn’t want

to see

the shadows of the past again.

She has started gluing pieces together.

Pieces of her broken heart.

Pieces of a soul in grief.

Many and big scars with a life lesson she

shouldn’t have had,

but eventually no open wounds.

There will always be cracks in what is

crushed and

glued together, she cannot hide it.

She tries to paint over with her paintbrush

so it should not

be visible on the outside.

She interprets herself as a fragile butterfly,

because they mean something special to

her.

Step by step, as a butterfly grows and

changes,

she hopes to find her true colors in life.

A new meaning.

She is fragile and vulnerable, but has

become braver and wants to fly.

She has been happy again and soon, only

soon can she be on the right path in life.

She has started to color her white wings

and started flying a little.

It is only her mind that can grab itself from

the abyss with some help and be good

again.

Never gives up.

A dandelion child.

Time does not heal all wounds, but she can

learn to live with the scars.

There is a glimpse of hope in the broken

mirror.

-Orkidedatter-